Andy’s Sting in the Tale (28/08/26) “Dysfunctional Inter-connectedness”
Updated: Aug 30
After a ‘Bloody Awful’ week for Scottish football it’s easy to fall into the active, very much ongoing, and indeed all- consuming media trap of ‘blame games’.
By ‘Bloody Awful’, I mean two things in particular.
Firstly, our 5 failures in Europe preliminaries, some abject.
But for me, even worse, our kids football nadir that has all its roots from what’s acceptable at the top of the game.
Both are wake up calls.
Kids’ Football is the future.
It quite simply is the foundation stone.
And it is already under enough pressure caused by historic and worsening lack of funding, support and true interaction from the very top down.
But despite all that somehow the kids’ football North of the Wall under people like Scott Robertson is resolutely hanging on by its fingernails.
No thanks to our SFA who give it half of bugger all.
All kids’ credit is due because it is run by genuine heroes, mostly volunteers putting something back.
Heroes despite all the while suffering not just a lack of voice but also the constant filtered-down normalisation of unacceptable ‘behaviours’ allowed in our big game.
Truly ‘Poisonous Stuff ‘that we’ll talk more about below but which is historic , predictable and has never been addressed by our authorities or our member-run organisations.
So welcome to Scotland, where football has long failed to deal with ‘stuff’ that would not be acceptable anywhere outside its own particular and complex wee bubble.
Why not Andy?
Because in our game run by clubs for clubs it obviously suits some not to, and they are all too busy and in perpetual survival-mode anyway.
But it’s Friday, and just one week to go till our SFA’s ‘St Andrews meeting’, (the one with the posh biscuits), and “We are where we are” so move on, Andy.
But to an outsider who cares, the usual response to crises of ‘huffing and puffing while reorganising the deck chairs on our particular Titanic’ won’t do.
That knee jerk stuff is too little and way too late.
The overwhelming irony is that individually and collectively there is union to make things better for all.
We all want to get to where we used to be, back in some mythical day where what we did ‘sort-of’ delivered.
But our ongoing self-inflicted self-interest faultline is getting wider and wider every year and our fundamental yet simple problem is we collectively don’t seem to know what to do to deal with the very real impacts affecting all aspects of our game.
Why?
Because our current set up of a ‘quasi-democratic system’ run ‘for clubs by clubs’ is designed to do just that.
To run the game and deliver league tables and all that goes with that.
A system that historically is:
Perfunctory.
Collective, (just about) on season by season stuff.
Never big picture visionary needing investment and resource reallocation.
Overwhelmingly short term in nature because our seasons and judgements are uber-short.
Never a ‘challenge or threat’ to our mega clubs, the real power brokers.
And more than ever before, personal interest is more and more dominant.
The same self-interest that drives every individual member and keeps them stuck in their own particular survival silo.
We all know the song books and chants are wrong.
And you don’t need to be Craig Mullholland to see the stark reality is our youngsters need more game time.
Our collective needs are deep, and giving youngsters more minutes is just a small start.
But fundamentally we need a vision and to work together.
To do that we have to realise we live in silos but the reality is we are in this together and need to act as one.
So when our teams fail to make the grade in Europe, it might give schadenfreude in myopic fan circles, and even be funny to laugh at the other side of the city but the truth is it diminishes us all.
John Donne’s insightful few lines “For whom the Bells Toll”, remains apposite and apocryphal.
No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
A piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.
Andy’s Sting in the Tale
1. Bums Skelped
2. Abysmal Outcomes
3. Kid’s Stuff
4. £4 Billion Black Hole is the Real News
5. Uefa Bottling It, or Playing a Longer Game?
1. Spare the Rod and All That
So following the overtly focussed/hampered report by Mark Blackbourne, the media is reporting our two biggest clubs have had financial ‘misery’ thrown their way after the quite embarrassing cup carnage that surprised nobody.
The deal, because that is what it will be, is their next home games in our sponsored by someone cup will behind closed doors and a financial punishment given to their opponents of £100K.
An ‘outraged’ Celtic have complained, as I write but I think that is grandstanding for their fans.
"We are shocked by this disproportionate punishment for a relatively small incursion by Celtic supporters at a moment of emotion and celebration.
"Our club has never defended supporters entering the field of play and we have repeatedly taken action when it occurs.
"However, we understand the part emotion plays in football and would have expected the context and distinction in behaviours to have been taken into account by the panel.
"Another important distinction is that, on this occasion, Celtic were not the home club, responsible for stadium safety arrangements.
"We will study the panel's report and reasoning when it is available and will thereafter consider our next steps.
Rangers will do the same.
Cynical old me thinks the SFA had to be seen to act tough in front of Scottish Government pressure.
The fines sound substantial, came ‘out of the blue’ and have already been press released as ‘a shift in approach’ by the authorities.
In reality.
To these clubs it’s a paltry month’s wages, for one or two of their underdelivering mercenary shirt-fillers.
So, not really a proper bum skelping, more like a slap on the wrist with a lettuce leaf.
We know full well the impact stuff like the green and blue fan outrages we saw has across our society and the game from top to bottom like in last week’s 5 and 6 year old’s carnage in the Central Youth Football Region.
Maybe I’m wrong.
Maybe this crosses the Mount Florida Rubicon and marks a start of a clamp-down on stuff football doesn’t need.
Maybe not.
Here is an Idea for the 7th Floor
Why not fine the clubs direct too and pass the money on to The Scottish Youth Football authorities.
Then at least some good comes from the madness and badness that hasn’t gone away.
2. Five ‘Scottish’ Clubs Ventured Forth
Now Our Coefficient is Divebombing
Yes prelim rounds are a nonsense and shouldn’t exist.
But they happen.
Our clubs know they’re going to happen.
Celtic underperformed massively with 3 only Scots born in the starting line up and were lucky to have a fall back into the Europa League.
4-0 up with an hour to play speaks volumes about Scottish Football and our and wealthiest club.
Hearts fielded 6 Scots and in a remarkable show of grit held on to the ‘last-gasp booby prize’ that is the Conference League.
Hibs had 3 Scots and failed but to be fair at least tried hard.
Motherwell had a bitch of a draw and only 2 Scots.
Rangers were quite shocking and started with only 1 Scot despite their huge academy and reach.
The upcoming Celtic Tie with Benfica is a stand out but it’s poor fare to what it should have been.
Hearts will entertain Monaco the club who dispensed with the services of the new Scottish Manager.
3. Behavioural Acceptance Blighting Kids Football
Last week a friendly game between 5 and 6 year olds was stopped for violence perpetrated by a watching parent.
He probably did nothing we don’t see or hear in and from crowds in our top leagues any and every match.
Parent ‘over reaction’ in kids football long time mirrors what is somehow acceptable at our grounds and is not new or even a news story.
When I was South Morningside manager and coach and taxi, I remember reffing a primary 7 game at the Meadows between 2 other schools from Edinburgh when right at the start one noisy, mouthy dad shouted, “Get stuck in to these Fenian Bastards”.
I stopped the game, politely asked him to stop but very soon when the tirade was repeated for the third or fourth time blew full time, and walked off after less than 2 minutes.
So why do we now collectively feign surprise when stuff that doesn’t even rise an eyebrow in our top stadia spills over into kids’ football?
This week I read things on the Beeb and in the press like , ‘All-time low’, and but guys that is not true.
It’s an ‘All-time constant’ because football is not dealing with it at the top table.
Shit like that has no place in Grass Roots football.
But the reality is it has no place in any football.
And eradication starts at the top.
4. Two Swinney Bites on the Same Wee Populist Apple
This week before the Europe collapse and the kids’ stooshie stole the headlines there was photo call and special event at Hampden.
Our First Minister John Swinney coming to the rescue and announcing a Scottish Government funded £500K for a World Cup Elite Kids Fund.
A 3 year ‘programme’ to provide specialist support for elite boys and girls.
I’ve read the bumf a few times and don’t actually know what the fund or indeed the programme does, or will do.
And as a voter I know the Scottish Government is facing our fast encroaching £4 billion black hole.
So I was and am deeply surprised at John’s move.
I also have a memory.
On June 13 the Scottish Government announced the same equally wooly initiative.
And finally, yes we’re comparative ‘paupers’ but there is more than enough money in the Scottish game to deal with real stuff rather than just pay inflated wages to mercenaries who aren’t good enough anyway.
5. A Strategic Move or Capitulation?
This week Uefa removed the immediate threat of Fifa tournaments boycott which would have affected participation in Fifa’s imminent Youth World Cup.
BOO!
Then the next day Uefa started what they hope will be criminal proceedings against Infantino.
A born survivor with Machiavellian instincts who has in the meantime been buying support with real monies.
From an uninformed distance the hairs on my neck tell me he has
comprehensively outfoxed Uefa and I’d have kept the threat of a Fifa boycott of Fifa tournaments on the table.
But in the meantime get the popcorn and beers in because this will be entertaining and deliver more real surprises than any archetypal ‘Soap Operas’.
it’s a fight for the very soul of football playing out in slow motion and if you want to predict the outcome I’d say ‘Follow the Money’.
It’s already won.
Sting is
A take on the week by a fan who sees far beyond his boyhood clubs.
I’m the Chair of ‘The Scottish Football Union’ and if you haven’t joined we need you because the more members we have the louder is our voice, and the more it gets listened to.
Andy’s Album of the Week
The Very Best of Dolly Parton
Until this week being a long time closet ‘Bluegrass’ experimenter I actually had two Dolly inspired albums but none by her.
Trio by Dolly, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou, which I hadn’t played for ages, and Just Because I’m a Woman by Various Artistes which I play frequently.
I inherently loved but didn’t know so much ‘stuff’ about this quite amazing talent.
She was indeed special and part of all our lives.
I was also more than a little surprised that all her big stuff was personal.
‘Jolene’ was the name she stole to personally plead to the ‘red haired bank teller’ to stay away from her straying husband. And when Elvis’s pushy manager Col Tom tried to ‘steal’ the royalties on Elvis singing her ‘I will always Love You’, a much younger and feisty Dolly said , “GTF’, and Elvis never got the song.
Anyway this week I bought ‘The Very Best of Dolly Parton’, and it’s a good.
RIP Dolly.
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